The Power of your words and thoughts….

It is tough to see a silver lining when there is such a thick darkness looming nearby. When the Washington Post (and other major news outlets) began posting reports and columns about addressing mental well-being, that is how I felt. We don’t know what future calamities might lay in wait, but I hope we can take some of the lessons we learned from COVID-19 and prepare against the next crisis.

What type of preparation am I talking about? Not masks or food storage. Not first aid kits or financial reserve. While those are a great idea, I would be out of my depth to address those. Instead I am talking about mental preparation. I am stating that if we prepare our minds while the sky is blue, when the clouds roll in, it won’t appear as dark.

We are never alone. That isn’t just a nice thought to share in parting from a Zoom call. The truth is we are always accompanied by our thoughts. Every where we go, every old and new situation, our thoughts are right there with us. Taking in the information and telling us what to think about it. Only problem is, not all of your thoughts are true. The dark reality isn’t that we were left alone, as we locked our doors and sealed ourselves off from the world. It is that we were left alone with our thoughts. It was Laird Hamilton, a professional surfer, who said:

“Make sure your worst enemy doesn’t live between your own two ears.”

What I think many learned is that the person we were most scared of was ourselves. So while there was a silver lining that light is being cast upon mental health, my hope shines bright that we can prepare our minds while the lights are still on.

Let me give you some pointers to help you battle against the negative thoughts.

First, don’t believe all of your thoughts, because not all of your thoughts are true. Research shows that 77% of our daily thoughts are negative. When thinking of negativity, I think of a muddy river. Every thought that goes through the river passes through that veil of mud. Some thoughts are able to keep their feet up and avoid the mud, but 77% of the time, that thought comes through the river soaked in dirt & muck. Do you think you can trust that thought? It’s grumpy, dirty, uncomfortable and angry. Just like a baby with a wet diaper wails and wails until given it’s due attention, that dirty thought spirals and spirals until it is acknowledged. Which leads directly to pointer #2.

When your thoughts talk to you, talk back! That is right, as a mental performance coach I am telling you to talk to the voices in your head! One of my favorite strategies to use when talking to the voices in my head is known as countering. Countering is when you challenge the truth to a thought that comes through your head. For example:

“I’ll never be able to finish school.”

Counter: “Well, you said the same thing last semester and you finished that.”

“I just missed another shot, I suck big time.”

Counter: “Yes, you did miss, but remember when you made the same shot yesterday?” or

Counter: “You just need to practice that shot more.”

Countering is one way to Reconnect your thoughts to Reality. It is a time to make subconscious thoughts conscious. A time to give your negative thoughts a reality check.

Last strategy is for when things really are miserable. And I get that sometimes they seem to be. When I speak with athletes or corporations often something I hear is, “I’m not negative, I’m just a realist.” Okay, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. So let’s address the “realists” in the room. Maybe things aren’t always going to be butterflies, rainbows, and unicorn farts. But if we can’t get all the way to Positive, let’s at least strive and make those thoughts Productive.

One of my favorite ways to do this is to use our Yet’s and our But’s.

“My boss hates me.” Insert But.

“My boss hates me, but I really like my coworkers.” “My boss hates me, but she does respect my work.” “My boss hates me, but I am thankful for the work.”

“I cannot figure out this project.” Insert Yet. “I cannot figure out this project…yet.”

“I am not strong enough to lift that much weight.” Insert Yet. “I am not strong enough…yet”

“I can’t run a 5k” Insert Yet. “I can’t run a 5k…yet.”

And then when you combine your Yet’s and your But’s you walk away with a thing of beauty. A hope for a better future and a plan for how to do so.

“I cannot fall asleep.”

“I cannot fall asleep…yet. But, let me try some meditation to slow my mind down.”

“I cannot fall asleep…yet. But, tomorrow I am going to try putting my phone away an hour before bed.”

Not all of your thoughts are true. Talk to the voices in your head. Just because your thoughts originated in your head, doesn’t mean you have to keep them there. You are in control of what goes across the river. Not an idle bystander waiting to see what makes it’s way across.

— Jon Osborn, Mental Performance Coach

RJ Performance Group